


This Sucks

by decotex



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Tony Feels, Tony is a Good Boy, tony stark's sass TM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 19:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18666955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decotex/pseuds/decotex
Summary: Tony is dead, and doesn't quite go gently into the night.He reflects on his life over a glass of wine first.





	This Sucks

 

When Tony Stark opened his eyes less than a second after dying and found himself in a white room with a white, milky, portal and what was clearly some sort of cosmic entity floating next to it with a cape and scepter, he figured out pretty quickly what was going on and declared, to both the entity and the universe in general;  

"Well, this sucks."

_"Yes."_

"This sucks the big one."

_"The biggest."_

The entity's voice seemed to bypass Tony's ears and reverberate gently in the center of his consciousness.

Tony crossed his arms and, sort of at a loss, surveyed the room.

The walls and floor were white, but the ceiling opened up to a white sky. There was a couch and a table with a bottle of wine. The walls were bare, but for the milky portal that seemed to be flowing like a liquid in the center.

As far as cosmic entities go, this one was fairly forgettable. It wore a flowing white cloak and had no discernible features.

"So how do we do this? Do I settle in for a montage of my best and worst moments, or is there like, some sort of, questionnaire . . . ?"

_"That is not necessary."_

"You're not here to tell me whether I was a good person or a bad person and thusly reward or punish me?"

_"No."_

"Could we at least do a short montage of my best jokes?"

_"We cannot."_

Tony sat down on the couch and crossed his legs.

"So what's your deal? Are you all-knowing, _omnipotent_? Can I ask you questions?"

_"You can, but I will not have the answers you seek."_

" . . . Are you _God?"_

_"I am not God."_

"Oh, good. That would have been _a lot_. I've had a rough day."

_"I am a guide. I do not pass judgement. My purpose is to oversee the passage of your soul from the mortal realm."_

"Are you a hallucination of my dying brain? Oh my god, am I in a coma? Are you going to tell me to wake up?"

 _"No. You are super dead."_  

" . . . Yeah. Yeah, I know. Wishful thinking."

 _"If we could get going,"_ said the entity, making a sweeping gesture at the portal.

"Why? I've already died. Seems like I have all the time in the world."

_"And none of it."_

"Whatever."

_"This is an in-between place. You cannot remain here."_

"Oh, I _cannot_? What are you gonna do? _Kill me_ _?"_

_"You will go. Eventually."_

"Wouldn't be so sure. I've been told I'm bad with authority. Glad to see I've still got that going for me."

_"You will go, Tony Stark, because it is in your nature."_

"Oh, is it?"

 _"Aren't you curious-"_ The entity leaned forwards. _"- about what happens_ _next?"_

Tony stopped.

He stared into the void.

It bubbled.

Then, he looked away and shrugged.

"Nope."

The entity leaned back, resigned. _"If you say so."_

Tony got to work on the wine bottle with the corkscrew that had appeared in his hand the moment before he thought about needing one.

"I mean, it was a pretty cool way to go out," he said, pouring himself a glass. "Saving the world. Epic battle. It was very cool."

_"Super cool."_

"Hope someone took a video. I just _snapped_. Badass as hell."

_"So badass."_

"I get the impression that you're mocking me."

_"I am incapable of humor. I am an anthropomorphization of the soul's passage from the mortal realm."_

"You're passage-aggressive, is what you are."

The entity stared at him and, without eyes, a face, or a personality, managed to glare.

Tony shot it finger guns.

_"We really should get going."_

"And it _was_ ," interrupted Tony, staring at the ceiling. "It was great to see everyone again, at the end. The whole gang. Minus a few. Nat, mostly. Minus Nat. She was there from, not the start, but near it. She was undercover as my secretary when we met. I definitely hit on her. God, that's so embarrassing."  

_"Super embarrassing."_

"And _what_ was up with Thor? Never seen him like that. Hope he pulls out of it. Cool guy. Liked him from the start. The moment he broke into my jet, stole Loki, and then tried to kill me with a magic lightning hammer - I _knew_. This is a fun dude."

_"Mmmm."_

"That moment of budding friendship was sort of overshadowed though, because it was also the same moment I found out aliens exist and they have magic. So there was kind of a lot going on. But looking back, the attempted murder, the violence, the discovery of extraterrestrials _and_ magic - you know, the little things - they all fall away. Friendship was definitely the standout there."

_"You were not friends."_

" _Yet,_ we weren't friends _yet_ . But that moment was the _seed_."

_"You tried to kill each other."_

"Yes but _under that_ , I think, there was definitely a mutual _"We should get a beer after all this blows over,"_ kinda vibe."

_"Under . . . the attempted murder?"_

"Yeah."

The entity was silent for a moment.

 _"I cannot render judgement on the opinions of mortals,"_ it said finally, with the barely concealed implication that it wished it could.

"Damn straight. Point is, I hope he figures himself out. He's a good guy. A little too invested in Asgardian politics, a little too trusting of his _super evil_ brother, but hey - Asgard blew up and his brother died, so maybe things are looking up for him."

_" . . . Maybe."_

Tony took a long sip of wine.

_"And what of Steve Rogers?"_

"Steve?" Tony leaned back. "I mean, what can you say about that guy? He's a _good guy._ We had a complicated relationship, I'd say, but come on - he's _Captain America_. Everything he did, he did to protect people. And that's more than you can say about me."

_"You protected people."_

"I _know_ , and it's taken me years of therapy to admit that. I'm, you know, I'm good and all that. But he's  _good._ I mean, he could pick up the goddamn _hammer_. He's just . . . like that. Good deep in his core. Born a hero."

_"And you were not?"_

"No," said Tony, shaking his head, with an expression that was both regret and pride. "I was made."

_"So was he, in a way."_

" . . . Yeah. I guess he was. In a way."

Tony set his wine glass down on a table that didn't exist and rubbed his forehead.

"Christ, I'm just realizing that I don't know if he makes it. Does he make it? God, does _Pepper_ make it? Dying _sucks_. I want to know what happens."

_"People in hell want ice water."_

"That's a bit insensitive."

_"Do you trust your friends?"_

" _Weird_ question. Yeah, I do. I didn't. But I do now. Did. Whatever."

_"Then do you trust them to handle things without you?"_

There was a brief pause.

"Yes," said Tony, staring into his glass. "They'll make things right. God _damn_ I had some good friends. Ugh. I think dying has made me sentimental."

_"It happens."_

There was silence, but for the soft ethereal noise of the portal as it ebbed and flowed.

_"What was it that your wife told you? The very last thing?"_

Tony closed his eyes.

"She told me to rest."

 _"Maybe you should honor her last request,"_ said the entity, gesturing a little desperately at the portal.

" _Pepper Potts_ has been telling me to 'get some rest' for over fifteen years now."

He was quiet for a moment.

"God, I hope I did right by her. I think I did, but I wish I could know. I was an asshole for a long while. She always saw the best in me. By my side the whole time. Right up until the end."

Tony looked away.

"Couldn't have gone until she let me go. She knew exactly what to say."

The portal, which was both opaque and immaterial at the same time, dripped softly in the corner. A pool of eternity was beginning to collect around its base.

"Hey," said Tony. "If I hang around here long enough, can I become a ghost and haunt the mortal realm? You know, breaking chandeliers and making books fly off shelves until someone resolves my unfinished business?"

The entity sighed, like it got this question a lot. _"It would be impractical to release all souls with unfinished business to haunt the living, seeing as everyone who dies has unfinished business. It would be chaos."_

"I guess that's true. You don't hear a lot about people dying with _finished business_ , do you? Hey, does anyone ever die and come here and tell you "Well, I died! But it's fine because I finished all of my business while I was alive! No complaints here! Great life, great business, happy to be dead, no regrets, no last wishes, no unsatisfactory goodbyes, it was _all good_."

Without eyes or a face, the entity managed to give the impression of a customer service representative on the eighth hour of their shift.

_"No."_

"Well, that's humans for you."

The words floated gently in the room, and hit Tony somewhere deep in his chest.

"I had a good run."

_"You did."_

"I saved a lot of people."

_"Plenty."_

Tony stared at the ceiling. The entity's cloak waved in a nonexistent wind.

 _"Would you do it again?"_ asked the entity, with mild interest.

"Which part?"

_"All of it."_

" _Hah._ Well."

There was a beat.

"I'm not proud," Tony began. "Of everything I did. There are things I regret. Moments I'd do differently. But somehow, in the end there, for a while . . . there were a lot of good people in my life. And you know the craziest thing? I was one of them."

He threw the glass at the wall. It shattered into confetti.

"So, yes. If all my bad choices, my impulsive fights, all my one-night stands, all my self-hatred fueled alcohol binges, all of those _idiotic_ decisions . . . my mistakes, my flaws, the people I hurt . . . if it all led to the way things were in the end, then yes. Wouldn't change a damn thing."

_"It sounds like you lived a life worth living."_

"I did."

Tony stared into the portal until he couldn't see it anymore, and then rolled his eyes and leaned back.

"What am I saying? Of _course_ I'm good. I'm one of the good guys. I'm the _goodest_ guy. Did Steve Rogers sacrifice his life to save the world? Nope. Did Steve Rogers fly a nuke into space? Don't think so. I did some really cool and selfless things, and I know it's _weird_ to brag about them but anyway I'm dead and also you already said you can't judge me."

_"That is true."_

"I wasn't perfect, but I think I did right in the end!"

_"And that is a good feeling to go out on, isn't it?"_

There was a silence. It could have lasted a few seconds or millions of years.

At last, Tony stood up.

"Ah, fuck it. I _am_ curious."

_"Finally."_

He walked over and stared into the portal.

"So what do I do?"

_"Just follow me."_

"That's it?"

_"Yes."_

"Is there a trick to it?"

_"Dying? No, there is no trick. Dying is easy. The hard part is living. But you've already done that. And now you're on to the easy part. Rest."_

Tony closed his eyes.

"Rest. I can do that."

They stepped into the void.

As they faded out, one could just hear Tony's voice;

"But my funeral had better be _awesome_ . I'm talking _fireworks, strippers_ , _a seafood buffet_ . . . "  


**Author's Note:**

> <3
> 
> Comments give me LIFE


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